It was 22 years ago today that 2 of my daughters and I were involved in a horrific car accident. My 3-year-old was code blue at the scene and due to lifesaving measures she survived but has lived with a traumatic brain injury. I, too, suffered from a brain injury that wasn’t diagnosed until 3 months post-accident. The other daughter suffered some back pain and emotional scars witnessing the aftermath of the accident.
My husband, who was travelling at the time, suffers from the guilt of not being there. The last daughter, who was not born yet, has lived with the remnants of this trauma, and is affected just as much as the rest of us.
Visiting the Rescue Squad to thank them for their service.
Over the years, we visited the Rescue Squad which responded to the accident scene and was responsible for saving her life. Once my daughter realized why we made these trips she took an active role in making a homemade card and picking out the gifts to accompany us on the visit. In the beginning, I didn’t always accompany her on these visits. They are hard. The day is hard. It is all hard. Over the years I have tried to embrace some sort of gratitude. Gratitude that we weren’t more seriously hurt. Gratitude that we all survived. Gratitude that we can give back.
The sadness still lingers amongst the feelings of gratitude. Will it ever get better? I don’t have the answer to the question but I had hoped by year 22 it would be easier. The day is still filled with the few memories I have of the time of our accident, emergency rooms, and sitting vigil while we waited to see if she would make it through the night.
Speaking with others who have survived injuries such as ours there is a multitude of ways, they honor their “day”. Some have a large celebration, others quietly spend it with loved ones and friends, and others don’t honor the day at all. The first year I had an opportunity to speak at a Refresher Course for Emergency Responders, it felt good to do something productive with the day. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to spend it and giving back seemed the best way to honor it. It was a positive experience as I recall. Many of my friends and family don’t remember to honor it. It is just another day in the busy holiday season. I don’t expect them to remember but when someone does it touches my hurt in a special way.
Colorful ballons attached to ribbons.
Brain injuries can be devastating. They affect the person and their entire family in so many ways. As devastating as they are, life goes on and we must learn to celebrate other milestones. We do need to honor these anniversaries though. I am still trying to figure out the best way to do this for everyone in my family.
After I posted this blog, my husband, daughter, and I went to the Rescue Squad to deliver some gifts and a handwritten thank-you note. Driving there, I felt all the emotions. I avoided the site of the accident, a pit sat in my stomach anticipating the visit. But, once we arrived and I saw the looks on the faces of the emergency responders, all those feelings vanished. They were replaced by the joy that we could be the message of “thank you for what you do”. Listening to Olivia, tell them about our accident, and when she says, “You saved my life” those same tears well up in my eyes but they are tears of gratitude. I walk outside, embraced by the cold wind and sunshine but also by the feeling that we gave back in some way and gave gratitude to those who did save her.